On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
