the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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