i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
well you can't waste a boner
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
