i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
