You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize