Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
