I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
