'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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