i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
this is an emotional support booty call
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
