i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
