i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
