I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
