I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
