i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
