need another drink. this is the easiest way
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
