I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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