i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize