I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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