She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Two words: blizzard sex
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
how does that bad decision feel?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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