didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
