glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Randomize
