Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
