OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
