Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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