its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
God, I missed his penis.
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