I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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