The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So much rum. So many feels.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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