Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
