bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
