Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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