Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
