Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
