A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
