I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
even my farts smell like vagina
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize