Non-Jews are for practice
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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