He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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