My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
