My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize