Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
