Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
