the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
