i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
