she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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