oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
