My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
