I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
