he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
