Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
