Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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