Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
