You really coming over, don't trick.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
