I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
