on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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