Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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