Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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