She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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