i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
