Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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