Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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