fuck your aforementioned shoe
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
