I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
