so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
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