2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
