running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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