shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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