Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
