end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
