mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
