Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
