so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
