I just threw up on my dentist
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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