thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
