She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
look no pants
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
