i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
