ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
