So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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