You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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